At the beginning of my research, I listed a podcast episode from the “So bin ich eben!” podcast by renowned psychologist, psychotherapist, and bestselling author Stefanie Stahl and psychologist and podcaster Lukas Klaschinski as a possible source. Since Stefanie Stahl has focused primarily on working with the inner child and building self-esteem and healthy relationships, it seemed very appropriate to me to include what she has to say on the subject.

In this episode, Stefanie Stahl and Lukas Klaschinski give tips on how to promote children’s self-esteem: not only for parents, but also for everyone else who deals with children on a daily basis. Although the episode is mainly told from the parents’ perspective, I think that much of it can also be applied to how teachers interact with children. In addition, I would like to conclude by exploring the extent to which the aspects mentioned can be incorporated into the game.
At the beginning of the episode, Stefanie once again emphasizes the importance of self-esteem for later life, describing it as the epicenter. She says it is a gift for life that adults can give to children.
The topic of the episode was inspired by an email from a listener: a mother describes how her son no longer wants to go to soccer practice because he is not as good as the other children and feels ashamed of his abilities. The mother asks for tips on how to encourage him and boost his self-esteem. Since this example is closely related to the topic of physical education, I wanted to mention it in this article.
At the beginning, the two psychologists explain that it is important to sometimes stick with something for longer in order to realize that things can change for the better and that you can achieve things. However, you shouldn’t force anything, as the child may later develop an aversion to the activity.
A concrete solution for the example situation is therefore to talk openly with the child and explain what you are concerned about (learning opportunity, seeing things through), validate the child’s feelings, and accept the child’s decision if they do not change their mind.
The following general tips are explained:
– Important: Love and secure attachment, empathy, recognizing the child’s needs -> Parents must have good access to their own feelings
– Presence: Children should not be sent to daycare in their first year of life if possible. Parents must convey security, be reliable; a repeated pattern of dashed hopes is not good for building secure attachment behavior
– Encourage the child, do not link love to expectations or performance
– Read the child’s signals, recognize and respect physical boundaries, do not overwhelm them with closeness -> Children are not at the mercy of adults; children must learn that they have the right to communicate their boundaries; adults must ensure that other adults respect their children’s boundaries
– Autonomy: the child must have the opportunity to assert their opinion sometimes, otherwise they will become conflict-averse later on and feel that there is no point in expressing their own opinions/needs at all -> if agreements are negotiated with the child, they are more likely to stick to them
– Autonomy -> Children learn that relationships can be actively shaped and are not something that must be endured, but that it is still important to find balance and set boundaries.
– Self-efficacy: Children should take on age-appropriate responsibilities, do things for themselves, and take on tasks. You have to trust children, because self-confidence is learned through the trust of others.
– Mistakes are okay and opportunities to learn. This way, children are not ashamed and develop a better tolerance for frustration.
– Encourage strengths and talents, reinforce a positive self-image, do not praise too much or pointlessly (i.e., for trivial things), because then the child will not feel taken seriously and credibility will be lacking -> so praise and recognize real strengths, focus on the process rather than the result, e.g., recognize perseverance.
– If a child is “always exceptional” because they are praised for everything, they feel that they always have to be exceptional.
– Know your own background and be self-reflective: what did I want (when I was little), how did I grow up, how did my parents influence me, and what does my child actually want? Your own issues should not be transferred to your child.
– Children need to have friends and feel like they belong.
– Be a positive role model: How do I talk about myself as a parent, how good am I at dealing with conflict, do I come across as confident, do I set good boundaries for myself, and do I stand up for my needs?
– Establish rituals to promote a positive self-image.
How can these tips be applied to physical education?
One aspect that is very important to me is that the focus should not be on the end result, i.e., the specific performance, but on the process and learning success. This also goes hand in hand with meaningful praise, i.e., not only students who perform well should be praised, but all students should receive praise for things they have done well, such as high perseverance or a high willingness to learn, or even social skills such as helpfulness. I think it would be useful to address this specifically in the game instructions for teachers, even though this knowledge should already be available to them due to their educational background. In my opinion, teachers also have a responsibility to be vigilant and recognize when a child’s physical boundaries are not being respected, and to intervene in an emergency and point this out to the children.Here is an exercise that I know from my work with young people: The children stand in two rows facing each other, a few meters apart. Then one row moves toward the other, and the children who remain standing have the task of saying “stop” when the other person gets too close to them. The distance that results is different for each child, but it is important for the children to recognize that personal space is different for everyone and must be respected. It also gives the children the opportunity to learn about their own personal space and to set boundaries in a protected environment. Another task for the teacher is to recognize when a child feels excluded and to ensure that they feel part of the group. This task can also be achieved through the game by promoting teamwork and togetherness.
I have already discussed promoting the individual strengths of each student at length in previous posts, so I don’t want to go into this aspect in greater depth here.
Students should be given the opportunity to actively participate in the design and implementation of the game. This gives them the feeling that their opinion is important and their needs are being seen. It also teaches them to do things on their own and take responsibility, which gives them a sense of self-efficacy.
Another particularly important aspect of physical education is fostering a positive culture of error. Mistakes should be allowed and given to children as learning opportunities. If an exercise is not yet being performed correctly, children should not feel that they are not good enough, but should reflect on how they can use the mistake to identify ways to improve their technique.
Finally, it occurred to me to incorporate small rituals at the beginning or end of the lesson. Ideally, these would fit seamlessly into the game concept or storyline, so that the rituals seem more natural and less imposed from outside. For example, the students could sit in a circle or in small groups and reflect on what they are particularly looking forward to today, even if it’s just small things, or what they did well today and where they have improved. I also think it would be helpful if each child said something about their neighbor that they are good at or did well today. This gives the children external validation and confirms their positive self-image. It also trains the children to see and appreciate individual strengths in others and challenges them to engage with other children with whom they might not otherwise have much to do and to perceive them in their entirety.
Sources
Stahl, Stefanie, Klaschinski, Lukas: So bin ich eben! Stefanie Stahls Psychologie-Podcast für alle “Normalgestörten”. 5 psychologische Tipps, die das Selbstwertgefühl von Kindern fördern. URL: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4AHoVP7Uplw2AJ8EbH9JLq?si=55257233ed6a4d4a, published on may 13th 2025 on Spotify
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